Rachel Kramer Bussel

"Matt Sesow and I have been together since 2001. Over the past few years, we’ve gone back and..."

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:19:24 -0500

“

Matt Sesow and I have been together since 2001. Over the past few years, we’ve gone back and forth on the should we/shouldn’t we get married. In our heads, we’ve fancied ourselves married for some time now. We even changed our relationship status on facebook to “married” last year and had fun with all the congratulatory notes we received. Since we will not be having children, we live separately in our own studios and have no plans to move in together - the conversation always seem to go to ‘why get married’?

During one of these many conversations, an idea sprung up… A two person exhibit of our work and we get married at the opening reception. Brilliant! No white dress, no floral arrangements, no seating chart, no nonsense. Just a celebration in the midst of what we both live and breathe - our paintings. On February 5th, 2010, we’ll be tying the knot at the opening reception of our exhibit “Till Death Do Us Part” at Long View Gallery in DC. Everyone and anyone is invited. It will be a big party with tons of paintings all themed on weddings, marriage, love, etc. Of course, with a healthy dose of cynicism, realism and humor that people familiar with our work would expect.

”

- Now I’m really, really a fan of Dana Ellyn.

I really want to see Dana Ellyn’s exhibit “Divinely...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:13:48 -0500

I really want to see Dana Ellyn’s exhibit “Divinely Irreverent” in DC - it opens tomorrow and runs through January 30th. I signed up for her mailing list after seeing her cupcake artwork in DC bakery Baked & Wired. All of you who loved the bottom of my new Fluevogs should appreciate this painting, called “Shoe Worship.” From her site (International Blasphemy Day!!!):

The timing of Dana’s exhibition at Evolve - just in time for the holiday season - is of no small coincidence. Divinely Irreverent immediately follows on the heels her nationally-recognized participation in the first International Blasphemy Day (September 30th) and continues her provocative pictorial questioning of America’s religious and social traditions. December marks the time of year when we both celebrate our Judeo-Christian heritage and camp overnight in Wal-Mart parking lots across the nation to purchase the latest electronic gizmos. Dana’s paintings included in this exhibition will shed a unique, harsh light on the point of intersection where our faith tradition and frenzied consumerism meet. Despite the intense subject matter, Dana still maintains a sense of dark humor in both paint and print; in a recent CNN interview she states that even though she doesn’t believe in hell, she still feels a bit uneasy hearing that she’s headed straight for it.

An affair that isn't about Tiger Woods

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:26:00 -0500

As you may or may not know, the theme of Best Sex Writing 2010 is “Sexual Outlaws,” taken from Betty Dodson’s essay of the same name (click above to read the introduction) that’s in the book. In a week when affairs, Tiger Woods’ in this case, are omnipresent in the news, let’s have a look at a wanted affair, one that nobody is going to have to usher a major public apology for because its author is claiming it happily, lustily, and intelligently before it happens.

Here’s an excerpt from “Anatomy of an Affair” by Michelle Perrot - I will have more information from the author about this very hot topic. Media: Best Sex Writing 2010 review copies are available now. Email rachelkb at gmail.com or Brenda Knight at Cleis Press at bknight at cleispress.com with your publication and mailing address.

I don’t want 1950s-style advice about “date nights” and lingerie and role-playing. I don’t want to “spice up my marriage.” I want rough sex. Dirty, spit in his mouth sex. Wet, disgusting, nasty talk about pussies and cum and fuck-me sex. The kind of hate fucking where afterward you can’t move. And the bottom line is that I don’t want that kind of sex with my husband, this man I love.

For a number of years, of course, I assumed I would forgo this sort of sex. It was worth it to keep my marriage intact. Marriage is about compromise. It’s about some degree of sacrifice. Honestly, if what I would have to sacrifice were something other than the sort of sex that most fills me, I’d be happy to oblige. But sexual desire is so intensely personal, so completely something you don’t control. I can’t just decide that I will no longer crave that sort of sex, and our desires don’t always fit well with the monogamy our culture demands.

The running psychological theory is that we eroticize what has shamed, hurt, or frightened us, that our “lovemap cartographic systems,” as described by John Money, the famous John Hopkins psychologist, are learned. If that’s true, it could be argued that I spent my childhood feeling helpless, unable to control the ways in which my parents emotionally wounded me. As the years went by I tried to control the world where it felt out of control. I pursued men vigorously. I yelled at them when they hurt me, tried to force them into being who I wanted them to be. These were the men I had the best sex with, the ones who wanted to make clear who was really in charge once we got in the bedroom, the kind who made me go blind mid-orgasm, who told me my pussy was so wet and their cocks were aching with need for me, who smacked my ass while we did it from behind. These were the kind of men I never would have married. I wanted to get married, to share my life with someone.

I chose my husband because he was not one of these men.

Best Sex Writing 2010 will be in stores in about two weeks and we are finalizing the 6-city book tour now (New York, San Francisco, Eugene, Portland, Minneapolis and Salt Lake City, with other cities pending).

Available from your local independent bookstore via IndieBound or:

Amazon

Bn.com

Powells

amberlrhea: shaylablogs: bookmole: Sometimes, product...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:12:33 -0500

amberlrhea:

shaylablogs:

bookmole:

Sometimes, product placement is just very good indeed

The bottom of my new Fluevog shoe. Photo by Stacie Joy.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:11:00 -0500

The bottom of my new Fluevog shoe. Photo by Stacie Joy.

Thank you, John Fluevog, Zappos and Los Angeles/Black Friday for...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 06:58:09 -0500

Thank you, John Fluevog, Zappos and Los Angeles/Black Friday for inspiring me to try them on. Now I just need to get new black and gold stockings to wear with them. I had a pair that I can replace but there’s another gorgeous pair of fishnets I got a few years ago from H&M that I still have but aren’t in the best shape. Have to figure out how to get more of those because they look/feel great and would be perfect for these. Or black fishnets with a gold seam up the back…these feel pretty good too, they arrived last night and I wore them for the first time to our amazing 5-year anniversary cupcake party. Photo by Stacie Joy.

My Julie Powell Cleaving interview at The Daily Beast

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 06:47:19 -0500

My Julie Powell Cleaving interview at The Daily Beast:

Alas, I think the video portion I fretted over didn’t come out. And after yesterday’s fiasco with Erica Kennedy’s photo, I’m fine with them using a stock photo - my bad for not taking a photo of Julie Powell while we were at The Meat Hook. I’m always trying to learn to be better - and will not schedule a nighttime interview after a redeye again unless I can help it!

From the interview:

Early reviews have shown as much squeamishness about the details of her affair as the gorier aspects of tearing apart hunks of meat. “My exploration of my sexual life felt like something I needed to write about,” she says. “It makes people uncomfortable. They get embarrassed for me, which I think is adorable, but if I get unhappy, that’s my problem; you don’t need to worry about me. I don’t like to be a big conspiracy theorist or feminist crazy person, but men have been writing about this for a long time. Maybe I don’t know what the f—- I’m getting into, but I wrote the book, I’m OK with it. You can criticize me all you like, but what you can’t do is say, ‘You’re a skanky, adulterous self-involved twit,’ because I wrote that already! It’s done; yes, that’s true.”

If anyone from fuckyeahbabies sees this…I’d like to...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:03:19 -0500

If anyone from fuckyeahbabies sees this…I’d like to interview you for a piece I’m working on, please. You can email me at rachelkb at gmail.com - otherwise, still adorable. (and I will totally blame this head cold on not being able to find their contact info by some other means)

fuckyeahbabies:

(via iveneverbeenazombie)

Marian Keyes on how alcohol was “the love of her...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:55:16 -0500

Marian Keyes on how alcohol was “the love of her life” - there are a bunch of other videos with her up on YouTube too.

My publisher Cleis Press and me in Publishers Weekly

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:38:16 -0500

Great piece on a great press that I’m honored to work with:

Blue also landed a prominent place on Oprah recently, and the media has taken note of other Cleis authors. Recently, Tristan Taormino and Jon Ginoli appeared in Newsweek, and sex blogger and anthology editor Rachel Kramer Bussel has been in the New York Times. Last month at Litquake, an annual literary festival in San Francisco, an event done in coordination with Cleis Press called “Readings in Bed” turned many heads.

All of this attention is more evidence of the mainstreaming of sex, something that has helped Cleis grow. Still, some people remain wary about buying sex-related books, and that is why Cleis sees huge potential in e-books. The company released its first e-books last year, and now has about 167 e-book editions with sales steadily increasing.

While Cleis will continue to expand, its “sex positive” books will remain its core. Newman said what makes Cleis so good at publishing sexually related titles is that unlike others, its books are not judgmental. “They are not titillating or coy—which is based on shame,” said Newman. “People have better sex lives when they have information and when they feel good about who they are themselves.”

Nothing subjective about that photo caption

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:08:33 -0500

Photo caption from The Daily News:

Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren, pictured during her modeling days, is still beautiful.

From the piece:

“People who have affairs typically do so because something is lacking,” says psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser. “You can be the world’s best golfer, role model and endorsement spokesman and still not feel good inside.”

When that happens, she says, a man tends to “fill that hole with women as a distraction and an escape.”

Unfortunately, some individuals who’ve mastered sports and the art of making money still haven’t managed to master a relationship filled with respect and trust, Kaiser says.

“These men don’t have good coping skills,” she explains. “So when things are rough at home, they go outside the home rather than trying to fix things.

“And the message they send is: I’m putting my energy into someone else’s home and into some other woman.”

Men may also cheat in the belief that it will simplify their lives, Kaiser says. Every marriage, no matter how perfect, has its rough patches and its moments when both spouses are grumpy, nagging or tired.

'Tis the Season to Volunteer

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:46:58 -0500

'Tis the Season to Volunteer:

An easy way to give back during the holiday season is, well, to give. Today (December 1st) starts Operation Santa in NYC, which is a program run by the US Postal Service. Each year, thousands of needy children write letters to Santa, asking for things that their families cannot afford to buy them, from video games and toys to warm clothing and diapers for their siblings. Operation Santa allows people to answer these children’s letters and send them the gifts that they would have otherwise gone without. You can head to the James A. Farley Building on 8th Avenue to pick up a letter between now and Christmas Eve.

My interview with Erica Kennedy, author of "bitch lit" novel Feminista

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:29:58 -0500

My interview with Erica Kennedy, author of "bitch lit" novel Feminista:

The Frisky: Feminista doesn’t just send up feminism, but also magazine publishing and pop culture, from Sydney’s wild but successful boss Myrna to The Raven, who is like a tranny Prince (your first magazine interview subject). How much of your experience in magazines wound up in Feminista?
EK: I love that you made the Prince connection. My Prince interview is such an awesome and unbelievable story. I had just started writing professionally after quitting my PR job at Tommy Hilfiger. I had sent my clips to In Style and one Friday afternoon they left me a frantic message. Turns out they wanted me to interview The Artist (as he was called then) and it could happen at any moment so they wanted to have me on standby. Of course, I’m psyched, but I’m also suspicious because they had never worked with me and I was so green. So I asked, “Why me?” They tell me he specifically asked for an African-American female writer and I thought, Out of the whole Time, Inc. network, I’m all you got? At that point in my career, anybody would have been more qualified than me! So in the book, the idea that Sydney is offered this cushy contract, even though she was previously just a temp, is derived from the fact that I got drafted into the big leagues under the Prince Rogers Nelson affirmative action plan!

Please read the whole interview (and if you’re so inclined, reblog/comment) and know that it’s 1/5th of what I had emailed with Erica about due to space considerations. (and this means I actually did 2 things this week)

30 Days of Skintmas - free/cheap things to do in NYC in December

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:04:53 -0500

30 Days of Skintmas - free/cheap things to do in NYC in December

Word's holiday book buying list

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:02:42 -0500

Word's holiday book buying list:

The whole list rocks (especially Anna Perleberg’s offering for “My Father, Who Eats History for Breakfast”) but I like this part especially:

ISLAND OF MISFIT BOOKS
Keel’s Simple Diary. For those who want to keep a diary, but have no idea what to put in it. Keel’s comes full of questions about your day and your life. Could also work as a cure for writer’s block.

All The Wrong People Have Self-Esteem: An Inappropriate Book for Young Ladies (or, Frankly, Anybody Else) by Laurie Rosenwald. Though this book seems to have begun life as a rebellious example of a book for introducing a teenage girl to the mysteries of adulthood, it is actually perfect for all people, especially those who have been kicked out of yoga class, or are vegetarians except that they eat meat.

Boilerplate: History’s Mechanical Marvel by Paul Guinan and Anina Bennett. The little-known adventures of a Victorian robot. Even though this is fiction, it is so clever that you will forget that over and over as you read. For the person from whom you first heard the word “steampunk.”

Sesame Street: A Celebration—40 Years of Life On The Street by Louise A. Gikow. There are many items celebrating Sesame Street’s fortieth anniversary, but this is the best of them all. An incredible collection of information and pictures AND a DVD of the very first episode of the show, which every person should watch. For anybody who grew up watching Sesame Street (that is to say, everybody in the country).

Beautiful Pigs: Portraits of Fine Breeds by Andy Case, photographed by Andrew Perris. Pig breeding is the next natural step in the back-to-the-farm movement sweeping Brooklyn. Be ahead of the curve with this gorgeous book, filled with more pictures and information about pigs than you can imagine.

Bitten: Dark Erotic Stories, edited by Susie Bright. For your dominatrix.

Getting The Pretty Back by Molly Ringwald out in April

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:48:43 -0500

Did I know Molly Ringwald was writing a memoir? Not sure, but apparently she is and it’s out in April from It Books.

As the endearing, witty, and immediately recognizable star of the beloved John Hughes classics Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and The Breakfast Club, Molly Ringwald defined teenage angst, love, and heartbreak for her generation, and those that have followed. But though remembered eternally as a teen, Molly Ringwald recently celebrated her 40th birthday! Facing this new angst-inducing time in her life, Molly has chosen to embrace her forties with style, candor, and humor-offering her personal stories and practical advice in the full-color, lushly illustrated Getting the Pretty Back.

Showing women that her life didn’t begin and end in a teen movie, Molly shares a unique mix of memoir and advice that will charm fans and empower women to embrace any age. Weaving together stories and advice on sex and beauty, personal style, travel and entertaining, motherhood, relationships and friendship, Molly embodies the spirit of being fabulous at 40, and reminds readers that life only gets more exciting after the sixteen candles are blown out.

Dylan Landis interview at Litpark

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:47:18 -0500

I love Litpark so much - Susan Henderson finds books I’ve never heard of and delves into the heart of them. From her interview with Dylan Landis, author of the new short story collection Normal People Don’t Live Like This:

How about a story of you and fire?

I was a teenager in the 1970s, with everything that implies, and I thought partying was my one great skill. Certainly not school. And writing—I thought that was a gift you were born with, like a Joni Mitchell voice, not something you could practice. I remember standing with dread and desire outside a closed door at a party, willing it to open. (It didn’t.) In that room, some kids were shooting up. Into the backs of their hands, one told me later. What a vivid detail, which of course I would use, years later: who knew you could shoot smack into your hand? I was forever wanting to try something new and terrible so I could lose myself in it, conquer my fear of it, and brag about it. That was me at fifteen, and later too. I needed the bad girls to escort me into the flames, and the good girls to be awed by my recklessness. One sells people short, categorizing them like that, but it’s fascinating how confused a young girl can be, and how anxiety and recklessness may be inseparable. When I mine these feelings for fiction and make up characters, I love them all. The more messed up they are, the more I love them.

What it means to be a "good asset," aka, a wife

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:11:47 -0500

Or “the sanctity of marriage” in America, circa 2009. From The Daily Beast:

The lawyer familiar with the couple’s negotiations told The Daily Beast that Tiger also has agreed to shorten the original prenup to seven years from the date of marriage, meaning it will vest in another two. And the revised agreement provides for a staggered schedule of payments spread out over five years that could be worth upward of $75 million. So for Elin to collect $80 million, she’ll need to stay with Tiger another seven years, be a dutiful wife in showing up with him at social events and in public as if they were still the perfect couple, and sign a nondisclosure form that will prevent her from ever telling her story. Even if she lasts only two more years, she’ll still walk away with nearly twice what she was entitled to under the original prenup.

Tiger’s advisers, who have successfully gotten the couple into counseling sessions, believe that keeping the marriage intact will help Tiger keep his corporate sponsors and bolster his dented image. Elin is herself considered a good asset. She’s never been a publicity hound or used her marriage to make money through self-help books, lecture series, or QVC makeup and jewelry lines. Rather, she’s just maintained a low profile and dedicated herself to being a spouse and mother. As opposed to some other celebrities, like Tom Cruise or Angelina Jolie, Elin has never pushed her kids into the public eye. So, now, if she is persuaded to stay, she knows little will be the same. Her quiet life is finished. A Los Angeles-based paparazzo told me that a photo of Elin and the children would fetch $250,000. Some agencies are offering $100,000 just for tips that pay off with photos.

Me on New Zealand radio talking about cupcakes

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:07:50 -0500

Me on New Zealand radio talking about cupcakes:

Note to self: if you hear your URL mentioned incorrectly (in this case, cupcakestakethecake.com which you don’t even know how much I wish we owned), jump in and correct it ASAP rather than thinking you’ll “do it later”).

Weakness

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:53:00 -0500

I hate being sick because, of course, it sucks, but mostly because it makes me feel weak, both for not being able to get better, for having barely worked and eaten so much crap over Thanksgiving, for getting all of one thing accomplished this week (at least that is something I think came out well, all things considered, link TK). I was on this panel last night with all these really distinguished writers and I just felt like, wow, they probably are not flaky like me, whereas I sleep late and instead of throwing myself into my work, obsess over

And speaking of, well, weak and stupid, this is just a very tough time for me, because it reminds me of my own naivete, things I thought would be happening that were never meant to be taken quite so literally. I don’t know quite where I stopped trusting myself, where I let myself get so swept away that I couldn’t see the reality in front of me. I was weak, and in that weakness I let myself do and feel things that ultimately came back to kick my ass, hard.

I know I should be throwing myself into my work, to become more like the women in that room, women who are Doing Things, rather than stagnating like me. The tough thing when your work, almost all of it, is about sex, or, in the case of the author interview I just did, a little too close to home, it makes it so that’s not really an escape, but an unpleasant reminder, another dreaded task rather than something you can get truly lost in. I’m trying but right now I kindof wish my legs would collapse and I could just hide out in my mess rather than face the reality which is that I’m just sad. I feel stupid for feeling so sad but no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it or focus on the good things going on in my life, it’s a sad situation, not one entirely of my making, not one I can do anything about, but just a sad situation. Plus, like, real life: I have to figure out how to pay my personal organizer several thousand dollars, finish this giant project I’ve been dragging my feet on, hope that I can eke out an essay and just get my head back together.

Until I can get to a therapist who can help me get something stronger (because I’m pretty sure my constant lack of focus/finishing is going to be worth something), I’m taking Excedrin and hoping just to get through the week. Ironically, almost every day this week I’ve had to either record something audio or visual, speak in front of people, or, tonight, smile pretty for the cameras at our cupcake party. I feel like I’m playing this fake movie version of myself while at the same time trying to write it down so I can at least make sense of the absurdity of it all, and to remind myself not to be so impulsive in the future. I don’t really believe in regrets, because you can never predict the future, but it’s more one of those unanswerable queries – if I’d known how much things would suck now would I have gone there? No idea, but at least the most painful part will, I hope, be over soon.