10th
On the one hand, my life feels like a giant mess. On the other, the weather is perfect and I just passed a crossing guard. Can’t remember last time I saw one of those. I even had the crazy thought that petrified of cars me might someday be like the mom bringing her kids home from school, having them tumble out of the car yelling happily to each other. First, I clearly have to work on not being so broke. Doing my taxes was eye opening in just how much money I wasted in the inanity that is book promotion. From now on they can live or die, sell or not sell, without my money. If there’s good, they’ll make it. If not, I will just have to hope to do better next time. My fingers are crossed but I’m letting go of the idea that anything I do beyond the editing process helps.
Seeing the numbers made me realize that even more than my money, my time is valuable. The more I conserve it, the better a person I will be. Now if my inflated ego can just remember that. It’s funny because I’m actually getting asked to talk about smut at colleges, where they’re paying me. That still feels a little crazy after umpteen events I’ve flown myself to. I might again, if it’s a good fit, but I don’t have that FT job cushion anymore and this week brought that home loud and clear. I’m still about a thousand times happier than I was towards the end of my job, but days like today I have to revisit how unhappy I was there to get to that point of gratitude.
