On dating checklists, dealbreakers and more, including Ricki Lake’s online dating checklist, Meghan McCain’s dealbreakers and my general philosophy about types (and my one dealbreaker). Enjoy!
In the preview for Bravo’s upcoming reality show “Miss Advised,” internet personality Julia Allison boldly exclaims that she’s looking for a husband and has a 73-point checklist. When I heard that, my immediate thought was that I’ve never had a checklist, and even when I’ve set vague goals for the types of people I wanted to date, I’ve found that the universe tends to throw people in my path who are explicitly not the types I’d have said I was looking for, as if it’s testing me.
I also find the language around who’s “good on paper” disturbing at times. One theme of the First Date: The Musical, about a couple on a blind date, which I saw at ACT in Seattle, was that the female lead is looking for a “quality guy.” But what does “quality” mean? Rich? Handsome? Fit? From a “good” family? I think we often use code words like “quality” to mean just those things, and that’s a shame, because to me the qualities that make a “quality guy” are value systems and beliefs, and how they’re put into action. Is he a kind person? Does he have ethical and moral values? Does he work on improving himself? Does he care about what others around him—strangers and friends—are thinking and feeling?