As you may or may not know, the theme of Best Sex Writing 2010 is “Sexual Outlaws,” taken from Betty Dodson’s essay of the same name (click above to read the introduction) that’s in the book. In a week when affairs, Tiger Woods’ in this case, are omnipresent in the news, let’s have a look at a wanted affair, one that nobody is going to have to usher a major public apology for because its author is claiming it happily, lustily, and intelligently before it happens.
Here’s an excerpt from “Anatomy of an Affair” by Michelle Perrot - I will have more information from the author about this very hot topic. Media: Best Sex Writing 2010 review copies are available now. Email rachelkb at gmail.com or Brenda Knight at Cleis Press at bknight at cleispress.com with your publication and mailing address.
I don’t want 1950s-style advice about “date nights” and lingerie and role-playing. I don’t want to “spice up my marriage.” I want rough sex. Dirty, spit in his mouth sex. Wet, disgusting, nasty talk about pussies and cum and fuck-me sex. The kind of hate fucking where afterward you can’t move. And the bottom line is that I don’t want that kind of sex with my husband, this man I love.
For a number of years, of course, I assumed I would forgo this sort of sex. It was worth it to keep my marriage intact. Marriage is about compromise. It’s about some degree of sacrifice. Honestly, if what I would have to sacrifice were something other than the sort of sex that most fills me, I’d be happy to oblige. But sexual desire is so intensely personal, so completely something you don’t control. I can’t just decide that I will no longer crave that sort of sex, and our desires don’t always fit well with the monogamy our culture demands.
The running psychological theory is that we eroticize what has shamed, hurt, or frightened us, that our “lovemap cartographic systems,” as described by John Money, the famous John Hopkins psychologist, are learned. If that’s true, it could be argued that I spent my childhood feeling helpless, unable to control the ways in which my parents emotionally wounded me. As the years went by I tried to control the world where it felt out of control. I pursued men vigorously. I yelled at them when they hurt me, tried to force them into being who I wanted them to be. These were the men I had the best sex with, the ones who wanted to make clear who was really in charge once we got in the bedroom, the kind who made me go blind mid-orgasm, who told me my pussy was so wet and their cocks were aching with need for me, who smacked my ass while we did it from behind. These were the kind of men I never would have married. I wanted to get married, to share my life with someone.
I chose my husband because he was not one of these men.
Best Sex Writing 2010 will be in stores in about two weeks and we are finalizing the 6-city book tour now (New York, San Francisco, Eugene, Portland, Minneapolis and Salt Lake City, with other cities pending).
Available from your local independent bookstore via IndieBound or:
Amazon
Bn.com
Powells
Great piece on a great press that I’m honored to work with:
Blue also landed a prominent place on Oprah recently, and the media has taken note of other Cleis authors. Recently, Tristan Taormino and Jon Ginoli appeared in Newsweek, and sex blogger and anthology editor Rachel Kramer Bussel has been in the New York Times. Last month at Litquake, an annual literary festival in San Francisco, an event done in coordination with Cleis Press called “Readings in Bed” turned many heads.
All of this attention is more evidence of the mainstreaming of sex, something that has helped Cleis grow. Still, some people remain wary about buying sex-related books, and that is why Cleis sees huge potential in e-books. The company released its first e-books last year, and now has about 167 e-book editions with sales steadily increasing.
While Cleis will continue to expand, its “sex positive” books will remain its core. Newman said what makes Cleis so good at publishing sexually related titles is that unlike others, its books are not judgmental. “They are not titillating or coy—which is based on shame,” said Newman. “People have better sex lives when they have information and when they feel good about who they are themselves.”
